After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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