Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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