My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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