guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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