Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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