I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
