I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
