i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
