For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
