Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
