That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
