Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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