How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
