I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
