I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
