I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
