In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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