Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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