I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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