I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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