Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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