Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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