We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
