Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
