You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
