i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
