Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
