My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Everclear isn't food dammit
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His nipple licking is glorious
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