I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
