dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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