DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
