Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
send nudes
from the living room?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
