he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
