Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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