I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
