If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
