I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
