Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
