is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
