At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
