the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
