I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
