am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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