yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I pour the whiskey from now on
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
