You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
