I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
