Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
