I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How does it feel to date your dad?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
