just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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