My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just found puke in my bra..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
