why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This beer is not sobering me up at all
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
